


if you give a human-gem hybrid a phone...

by N_Is_For_Knowledge



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Bisexual Connie Maheswaran, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff without Plot, Gen, Pansexual Steven Universe, Social Media, Tumblr, Twitter, happy birthday steven!!, reddit, this is somehow my first su fic, try to spot the gravity falls cameos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25926655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/N_Is_For_Knowledge/pseuds/N_Is_For_Knowledge
Summary: Now that Steven's on his road trip, he's taken the world by storm. And the internet.In other news,someonegave the Little Homeschool Gems social media lessons.
Relationships: Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe
Comments: 10
Kudos: 94





	if you give a human-gem hybrid a phone...

**Author's Note:**

> happy birthday steven universe!!

**no i'm not a monsterf*cker** _@nbnessie_

so, paranormal enthusiasts, there’s a new cryptid i’ve spotted in the keystone area! form appears humanoid and teenage, with pink jacket, dark hair, and occasionally pink skin. anyone else spotted them?

_[A fuzzy, low quality video of a humanoid with dark hair and a pink jacket. Their skin, normally tan, is overtaken by a glowing pink flush for a few seconds. End video.]_

> **< 3** _@ririw_

i first read this and thought ‘that just sounds like a normal human why are you reporting this’ and then i saw “occasionally pink skin”

> **cbf stan** _@cryingcroissant_

think ive met something like this! this was in dakota tho. their car got stuck between a tree and then they just. lifted the car? super easily too this was so wack they just looked like a normal-ass human and then they lifted a car

*********************************

**lesbiankoalaprincess**

hi um so i work at this rly small diner in granite. most of my customers are p normal, nothing to write home about, or, you know, write a whole bumblr post about. but today this kid came in and he has to be… sixteen? max? and this was at eleven pm on a tuesday, so, i immediately asked why he wasn’t at school, bc slackers come here during school hrs and ive got a protocol down and he goes “i dont go to school.” and so, naturally, i ask if he’s homeschooled. and guess what this kid says? this babyfaced 16yo? “i’m not homeschooled. one of my moms tried once, but that kinda led to a big intergalactic space war that took a huge toll on my mental health, so, uh…” and then i gave the kid some veg hashbrowns bc that’s what he ordered. was he kidding? was he telling the truth? he sounded so serious when he said it im worried

**dweebdiary**

hi katy i think u met an alien

*********************************

r/ **_RadicalLegalAdvice_ **

_u/sqcpdduniverse_

**Acquiring Legal Documents**

Hi, my girlfriend recommended this subreedit to me since I was not having much luck with r/legaladvice. I’m 17, my birth wasn’t recorded with any hospitals, and I do not have a birth certificate, social security number or any other paperwork filed with my birth state of Delmarva or the federal government, and, consequently, no driver’s license. I’m currently on a cross-country road trip alone, and I’m worried about what happens if I’m pulled over and they know I don’t have a driver's license. Is there any way to file the necessary paperwork for a driver's license now? All of my friends and relatives are suggesting forgery, but I don’t particularly want to break the law. What do I do?

— **MrMystery**

Forgery. Do forgery.

_-Read More Comments-_

*********************************

**Steven Universe ⭐️**

_@sqcpdduniverse_

17 - He/Him - Pansexual - Former manager of _@littlehomeschool_ \- Dating the wonderful, amazing, badass _@connie_m_

25 following 2 followers  
  


**Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

Hi, _@nbnessie_ , can you please take down your video of me? I’m fairly sure that taking videos of people without their consent is against the law. 

> **Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

Also, I am not a “cryptid”. Whatever that means.

>> **sword bisexual ⚔️** _@connie_m_

biscuit, u kind of are

> **no i'm not a monsterf*cker** _@nbnessie_

hi, steven, im sorry! i’ll take it down. which post is it on?

>> **Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

It’s this one: htttps://www.cheeper.com/nbnessie/so-paranormal-enthusiasts-theres-a-new

>>> **no i'm not a monsterf*cker** _@nbnessie_

ok! ill do it immediately! thank you for letting me know!

*********************************

**nbnessie**

_[Screenshots of the Cheeper thread between Steven and nbnessie.]_

hi what the fuck just happened

(btw this is the cheep he’s referring to)

**lesbiankoalaprincess**

why does this remind me of the “im not homeschooled” kid

_#im legit freaking out #is it the same guy? are there more weird aliens? are they multiplying #aliens #paranormal_

*********************************

**Little Homeschool 💎** _@littlehomeschool_

Happy roads, _@sqcpdduniverse_! We all hope you have fun wherever you go next! - K (Kornerupine)

> **sword bisexual ⚔️** _@connie_m_

k, it’s “happy trails”, not “happy roads”

> **Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

Thanks, K! 

> **PIERRCY IS GOOD YOU COWARDS** _@PERIDOT5XG_

aaaaaaaaaa steven we miss you so much 

*********************************

**gaymerthyst**

that face you make when you learn humans apparently use you as jewelry. you know. The Face. the face of disappointment and disgust in the human race

**keepbeachcityweird**

THERE ARE GEMS ON FUMBLR??!?!?

_#WHAT #WHO KNEW #WHO TAUGHT THEM #CONNIE IT WAS PROBABLY CONNIE_

*********************************

**Steven Universe ⭐️**

_@sqcpdduniverse_

17 - He/Him - Pansexual - Former manager of _@littlehomeschool_ \- Dating the wonderful, amazing, badass _@connie_m_

25 following 32K followers

  
  
  


**Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

So… I blew up on Cheeper.

> **sword bisexual ⚔️** _@connie_m_

use your newfound fame for evil

>> **Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

Okay.

  
  
  


**Steven Universe ⭐️** _@sqcpdduniverse_

My girlfriend told me to use my fame for evil, so… be gay do crimes.

> **Terrifying Renegade** _@Pearl_

To be honest, “be gay do crimes” was a solid half of the Crystal Gem philosophy.

> **cbf stan** _@cryingcroissant_

this is the exact opposite of evil

> **glitter is good** _@thepowerofmabel_

sir i would die for u

  
  



End file.
